All Hot and Bothered
by kazekagesama23
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke has never shown any desire for women. This has led to a lot of unwanted speculation about his sexual orientation. But could there be an even simpler answer?


A feeble shaft of morning light pierced through a hole in a large tent that rested under the protection of a large elm tree. It travelled its straightforward path until it met resistance, the light energy bouncing off the protective shielding of an eyelid.

The eyelid slowly cracked open, and brilliant red tomoe glared harshly against the invader, a force that was impersonal and implacable, relentless in it's course.

With a sleepy grunt, Uchiha Sasuke deactivated his Sharingan and sat up, greeting the day with the same grumpy taciturnity that he used in his every waking moment. He moved his head side to side, wincing as loud popping noises signified that he had once again used poor sleeping position. It was too bad his dream was cut so short. He had finally had Itachi exactly where he wanted him.

The life of an avenger was truly without rest, and some informants in the small town that they had passed through had all remembered a tall stranger with a scary looking partner who had an odd blue skin color. He was so close to Itachi he could almost sense him, almost smell his disdain on the slight gusts of wind that rattled his tent.

Sasuke was stronger now, stronger than ever before, and his murderer of a brother would finally know the dark embrace of death by his hand.

Having finished his daily reaffirmation of his goal, Sasuke threw off his cover and started to stand up. He stopped when he noticed something different about himself, something that had never happened before. His boxers had formed a tent as his member pressed against them.

He looked at it in puzzlement. Why was it stiff? Was this some sort of side affect from his Sharingan? Unlikely, as the side effects would have manifested themselves in his eyes, not another part of his body. He wondered if he could get it back down. It would be a terrible hassle to get his pants on and he suspected most of them might not even fit.

This was wholly unacceptable. He would simply have to find a way to…ah, it seemed to be going back down. Thank goodness it was only temporary.

"Sasuke-kun! Breakfast!" He quickly threw on his shirt and pants, cinching the waist tight and attaching his katana. If the problem cropped up later, he would devote some of his resources to research. It would prove quite the liability in battle if it happened at an inopportune time.

* * *

Karin hummed softly as she threw a handful of mushrooms into the cooking pan. She turned quickly as Sasuke's tent flap opened and the Uchiha stepped into the morning light. Her heart skipped a beat as the soft morning sun caressed his face, highlighting his starkly chiseled visage.

'Sasuke-kun looks cool even right after he wakes up.' She blushed a little, absently flipping the mushrooms. "Good morning Sasuke-kun!" she chirped.

"Hn…" Sasuke took his seat by the fire. "Where are Suigetsu and Juugo?"

Karin frowned. "Probably still sleeping. They should be up by now." She picked up a small rock and threw it against Suigetsu's tent pole, grinning a little as it gave off a loud gong like sound.

"Suigetsu! Get your lazy ass out of bed and out here for breakfast!" There was a long pause, then the tent flap zipped open and Suigetsu poked his head out.

"Stop being so damn loud, you crazy woman! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

Karin brandished a pan threateningly. "Well, if you wouldn't go to bed so late, you wouldn't be so sleepy in the morning! Now, are you going to come out peacefully, or am I going to have to drag you out?"

Suigetsu flipped her the bird.

"Suigetsu! Karin!" Sasuke hadn't moved from his seat, but the two squabblers flinched. "It is far too early in the morning for this sort of foolishness!"

"Hai, Sasuke-kun." Karin looked properly abashed, and Suigetsu scoffed, but came out of his tent and took his seat by the fire.

'Che, acting all high and mighty in the morning. Sasuke is lucky that he's really strong, or I wouldn't be here.' Suigetsu looked at his self appointed team leader. He had to admit, Sasuke cut a pretty stoic figure for seven o clock in the morning. 'Slick little bastard isn't he?'

Suigetsu noticed that Sasuke's eyes were fixed on something near the fire. 'What's he looking at? Breakfast?' He followed his leaders line of sight right to Karin's shapely posterior.

The temptation was incredible, but Suigetsu managed not to face fault. 'The hell?! Is he checking out Karin's ass?' Their team leader had never responded to any of Karin's come-ons, no matter how blatant she made them.

'So why now? Was he just messing with her the whole time?'

* * *

Sasuke caught himself looking at Karin's posterior again and forcibly dragged his eyes away. What was wrong with him?

There was an entirely alien desire in him, one he'd never had the chance to experience before. Looking at the round swell of Karin's rear, Sasuke found himself wanting to…touch it? With a low growl of frustration, he once again tore his gaze away and cleared his mind.

If these were side effects of the Sharingan, he would have to bear them in silence. There was no other choice. But it would be hellishly difficult, the feelings were growing stronger every passing minute.

He found his gaze drawn to Karin's mostly flat chest, and he traced the tiny swell of her breasts over the tight fabric. He had known that these bumps were one of the things that made women different than men, but he had never seen a use for them. Some women had bigger bumps than others, and it seemed to be a sort of badge of pride if you had very large ones. Now, as he looked at them, it seemed that they would fit just perfectly in his hands.

He stood up abruptly. "I…need to go for a walk. I will be back for breakfast." He walked swiftly out of the clearing, the dry brush rustling as he stepped through it and was gone from sight.

Suigetsu followed him, grinning like a maniac. There was no way he was going to miss this chance to poke fun at their seemingly invincible leader.

"Don't be too long, Sasuke-kun!" Karin spared a perfunctory glance in Suigetsu's direction as she watched him leave the clearing. She wondered why he was following Sasuke, but she decided she didn't care.

"Anything that keeps that annoying little prick off my back is fine with me." She dropped the seared mushrooms into the soup that was slowly bubbling in a makeshift iron cauldron, nodding in satisfaction as the mixture turned darker.

The metallic sound of a tent flap opening pierced the stillness of the clearing. Karin raised an eyebrow as Juugo shuffled silently out of his tent, shirtless and scratching his head.

She was often amazed at the transformation that came over him when he fully immersed himself in the cursed seal. He transformed from a gentle giant to a remorseless killing machine, fully ready and willing to kill any man, woman, or child that got in his way.

Now, as he dragged himself to the fire, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Karin couldn't help but think that he looked like some kind of enormous living teddy bear. His tousled hair hung haphazardly from his head and Karin wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if she saw him wearing a pair of cotton pajamas and dragging his blanket behind him.

"Morning Juugo."

The shaggy giant raised his head the slightest bit. "Uugh." He winced a little and arched his back. "Back hurts." Reaching around his back, he laced his fingers, palms pressed flat against at the base of his spine. He heaved his chest up and out, pressing against his spine with his palms. There was a loud crackling and popping sound that made Karin wince in disgust, and Juugo straightened, looking immensely relieved.

"That's better." He plopped his impressive frame down onto one of the four designated rock chairs, folding his hands on his lap. "When is breakfast?"

Karin looked into the pot. "About five more minutes."

Juugo nodded. "Where are Sasuke and Suigetsu? Still asleep?"

"Sasuke-kun went for a walk and Suigetsu followed him for some reason." Karin gave the soup a final stir and sat down on her rock.

"Hmm." Juugo stood up again. "Might as well do some stretching. I'm a little stiff from yesterday."

Karin watched him with interest as he pulled and stretched his muscles to their limit, bending at far greater angles than she would have credited him achieving. 'He's actually pretty flexible, for such a big man.'

She gave a little hum of approval as a particularly odd stretch made his chest muscles heave against their fragile covering of skin. Not that he held a candle to Sasuke-kun, but she knew a few women that really liked their men big and muscular. 'If he didn't turn certifiably insane at the drop of a hat, he wouldn't have much trouble finding a girl.'

Juugo would probably never know any sort of love though. Unless the girl in question was strong enough to stop his rampages, Juugo was almost sure to commit unintentional murder of his spouse within a month.

'Not that my love life is looking so hot either. I might as well be trying to seduce a stone wall, for all the reaction I've gotten.' She fervently hoped that Sasuke wasn't gay. 'Please oh please let him be straight! I don't think I can take it otherwise!'

Karin frowned as she had an unpleasant thought. 'Speaking of love lives, if there's any justice in this world, the bastard Suigetsu will be alone for the rest of his misbegotten life!'

* * *

Sasuke grunted in annoyance as Suigetsu kept pace with him, walking just a few steps behind. "What do you want, Suigetsu? I'd like to walk alone."

Suigetsu's ever present smile widened, displaying a glistening array of remarkably pointy teeth. "Oh, I just thought I'd tell you that if you're going to start checking out women, you can definitely find better than Karin."

Sasuke twitched. "What I do or do not do is my business. Besides, I will find a way to rid myself of these strange urges."

Suigetsu shrugged his shoulders, continuing as if Sasuke hadn't said anything. "I'm just saying, even though Karin wants to have your babies, there are a lot of other women out there who do too. You've got a good sized pool to choose from."

Sasuke frowned. "I fail what is desirable about having children. At best, they are an annoyance, and at worst…" He trailed off, his fist clenching so hard that his nails pierced the skin of his palm, red droplets of blood oozing down the alabaster skin. "Itachi…" He took several deep, heaving breaths. "I…have no desire to have children."

Suigetsu shook his head. "No, it's not the kids, it's making the kids that's the fun part. That's why I'm saying, you shouldn't sell yourself short for the flat-chested wonder."

"Making children…" Sasuke's frown deepened. "What is this act that is so…'fun'?"

Suigetsu stopped walking, his jaw doing its level best to reach the dirt.

* * *

**A.N. **A little short, but it's just a first chapter.

This story was borne from a curiosity as to what could possibly be wrong with Sasuke. Well, there's plenty wrong with Sasuke, but that's beside the point. In this particular case, I was wondering why he would ignore the constant stream of women throwing themselves at him. I mean, sure, he's an avenger, but he's also a teenage male.

Then it occurred to me, what if he never hit puberty? A lot of child athletes have their puberty delayed because of the rigorousness of the exercises that they do. Sixteen is stretching it a little, but still in the realm of plausibility. I mean, the guy did nothing but train with a burning passion for his entire life.

It certainly would explain why he's never shown any interest in anything male, female or animal.

And…the other reason I wanted to do this is because I wanted to see what Sasuke with a sex drive would be like. Welp, if ya like it, leave a review. If you hate it, leave a review. In either case, give me specifics please.


End file.
